영작 태클 좀 해주세요

In my opinion, SNS doesn't function as its original purpose nowadays. I used Facebook, but now I don't. At first, it was useful to find friends who I couldn't meet long time and to keep touch with them. But the posts I could have seen tended to attract a large crowd instead of interacting with friends. That was mostly humor, which I see then just laugh. Moreover, they were increased day by day, so I wasn't able to find my friend's posts, which were reasons why I don’t use Facebook. More seriously, ‘Attention Whores’, the people who have morbid desire to attract other’s attention, appeared and made newsfeed dirty. They use all every possible way to attract an attention, even personal attack. Some drawing-attention post of adequate degree could help make interactions active, but flooding of them now seems to disturb it own function and to upset lots of users. I hope Facebook recovers its communicational function.

결국 페이스북 이야기뿐인거 같은데 그냥 SNS 뒤에 especially Facebook을 붙이는게 더 좋을듯

But the posts I could hav seen tended to attract a large crowd instead of interacting with friends.

But many posts I have seen were intended to attract large crowd who doesn't know the writer who wrote those posts, not to interact with close friends

이쪽이 더 어울리는거 같은지 아닌지 음

tended to ~ 는 아제라테스님이 고쳐주신 부분인데 ㅁㄴㅇㄹ

그런데 crowd .. who doesnt know the writer who wrote those posts 가 첨부될 필요성이 있을지;; 저는 부정적인 입장임 제가 고치고의 여부를 떠나서

I -have- used Facebook, but now I don't. At first, it was useful to find friends who I couldn't meet -for- long time and to keep -in- touch with them.
But the posts I -found- tended to -focus on attracting- large crowd instead of interacting with friends.
That was mostly humor, which I see then just laugh ???
Moreover, they(???) were increased day by day, so I wasn't able to find my friend's posts, which were reasons wh I don’t use Facebook. ???
More seriously, ‘Attention Whores’, the people who have morbid desire to attract other’s attention, appeared and made newsfeed -distracting-.
They use -- every possible way to attract an attention, even personal attack(???).
Some drawing-attention post of adequate degree could help make interactions active, but flooding of them now seems to disturb it own function and to upset lots of users. (문장을 둘로 가르셔야 될듯)
I hope Facebook recovers its communicational function.???

단순히 고칠수 있는 부분은 - 표시하고 그 사이에 단어 넣었습니다. 이해가 전혀 안되는 단어나 문구는 (???) 붙였고 문장은 끝에 괄호 없이 ??? 붙였구요.

전체적인 문맥에서 페이스북이 여전히 커뮤니케이션은 하고 있는거 아닌가요? 다만 그 질이 떨어지기 시작하니까 문제가 된거라고 이해했는데...

아무래도 사람 의견에 따라 갈리는 영작문이 될거 같아서 손대는데 조심스러운데요 ㅇㅅㅇ;

감사합니당 최종제출 때 반영해 볼께요